If I knew, I promise I would tell you.

I want this to be the post on DDCSP - the one that gives all the feels and provides me with complete closure until next year. That's probably putting too much pressure on one little post huh? I'm still going to try though. At this point, it's less about remembering every detail and more about remembering moments. Maybe it's more about touching the memories as they pass through my open fingers and not clutching on to all of them, hoping nothing slips through. If I'm holding those memories so tightly, what space will I have for new ones?

A blurry photo of a photo of Squad minus one
Lying on the grass. Sharing a blanket. Having a friend point out the Milky Way. Seeing a shooting star.

"How will I know if it's a shooting star or just a really fast plane?"
"Trust me Keren. You'll know."

She was right. When I saw it, I just knew. That's how I felt with many of the places we visited, with the natural beauty we witnessed. I'll always be grateful for the times we spent in the bush over these eight weeks. The six mile hikes, semi-freezing lake and ocean water, pitching tents, and evading rattlesnakes reinforced that I do enjoy being outdoors. I do like testing my limits and challenging myself. I could counter and say that I don't need to go outdoors to test my limits. But going to a gym doesn't give you the same satisfaction as climbing Mt. Rainier and seeing the colours in the landscape below. I'm not sure if it's like that for everyone, but for me, while I did those things, somewhere in me just knew. I knew that being outside is something that matters to me.

Taking a step in our privilege walk at the statement: "Move forward if you ever had a maid, gardener, or cleaning service growing up."

But the trip taught me more than the proper distance from the trail to pee or that snapping (an excellent way to show you agree with someone) can also scare bees away. I learned that I am privileged. It's so easy to look around and see people who seem to live better lives than I do instead of stopping and appreciating the life I have. Realizing that many things I take for granted (education, a good relationship with my family, being right-handed, being Christian) are privileges. I always knew that people aren't all equal but I tended to check the privileges that other people have rather than looking at my own. Learning about how connected social issues are to life and how they play out on macro and micro scales were out of my comfort zone. I think mainly because I like to avoid hard topics in life. But one step I'm making is reading the news in the morning. I can't pretend that if I don't see something it's not there.

Sitting on a bus stop bench with two friends. Watching cars drive by. Laughing as the three of us try to finish one (large) cup of bubble tea.

There were big moments like balancing on logs in the water, getting lost on trails, and seeing the fireworks on the Fourth of July, but there were also small moments like taking naps on the long car rides, getting falafel at 2 am, or making tea in the common area that give me feels as I write this now. (In this case, the "feels" I'm referring to are that nice squishy feeling in your stomach when you're happy but you also miss someone. Haha. I am not making sense.) But on a serious level, I loved that we could move from pretty intense conversations to chilling back in the dorm room. I've forgotten most of these moments and the conversations we had during them but that doesn't matter because they happened. I know I won't have that experience again. I may never see half of those people again. But there's something in those small instances that will put a smile on my face whenever I think of them.

Going climbing for the first time and realizing that I don't have to make it to the top of every wall.

I'll keep this one short because it's not sentimental. I learned that it's okay to have limits and it's necessary to keep things fun. I only need to compare me with myself and even then - not everything has to be a competition. If halfway is as much as I can/want to do, then going halfway up a route is more than enough. It's okay to do things purely for fun.

Hearing a friend say my story almost made her cry.

This pertains to me and writing and sharing my thoughts and finding my voice. Yes, I need to work on listening to people's stories and seeing where they come from. However, I also need to listen to myself and let my voice be heard.

Being surrounded by 24+ amazing people who differ in so many ways and realizing that I wouldn't have it any other way.

What can I say? A lot more but it's almost midnight and my thoughts are turning to mush. I'll edit this tomorrow to make sure I don't embarrass myself. But! I'm extremely thankful to have spent this summer in Seattle. I guess it just boils down to the fact that Doris is bae.

L U I S N I K I V A N E S S A J E S S E V I R A J T Y E T H A N A L I C I A E R I C O L I V I A D Y A A M I L A C E Y B I L A L J A M E S K Y L E C H R I S A S H L E Y A L E X I S M I C H A E L A H A L E Y S A L O N I K A I T A B I T H A J O S E P H J O R D A N A R I E L L E R O B I N H E N R Y N A A N I B A H D A N I E L L A T O I A S A V A N N A H L E I L A N I C O T A A M Y A N A H I J O I A K E A O J E N N S T E V E S H A N N O N E L I A S K I R S T E N C A R O L I N A J O S E M A R T H A T A N I A C H E N J E R A I L E A H D O R I S

The song is "Shut up and Dance" by WALK THE MOON. I dub this the unofficial official theme song because it played on the radio more times than it should have. Enjoy. Or don't. It's your choice.



Thanks for reading,
Keren


5 Comments

  1. kerennnnn this was so introspective and lovely

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    1. My smile is so wide right now. Thanks for saying this Rach. [=

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  3. "Doris is bae." You used the term bae -_- :P
    This was a really nice post though. I like the things you said (basically all but one that sticks out is the one about limits and stopping when you want to stop can be just as okay as pushing to the top).
    You had bubble tea :)

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