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Two Fridays ago, I put some of my plants on display at a Black Arts Gallery at school. I showed four of my plants and half (or all, depending on how critical I am of myself) were unfinished. I enjoyed myself (despite/including moments of tripping over my awkwardness) and the responses from people were encouraging. It was good to spend the night admiring work from other beautiful and brilliant black people on campus.

It reminded me of last year, when I showed my self-portrait (my baby picture surrounded by beads and the phrase "Pretty for a black girl"). I was nervous about showing that piece because it is so personal but the response from people helped me realize that at times art goes beyond me. Wow - I sound dramatic - but I hope you understand what I mean. I spend more time than I should wondering if there's any point to me making work and sharing it with people. I wonder if I'm selfish because I enjoy spending time in the studio obsessing over the right shade of green. I wonder if I'm vain when I talk to my friends about a new project or ask for their opinions on it. I wonder if I'm insecure when I post things to Facebook or Instagram. I know these are questions I need to tackle for myself and I know that they point to things I need to consider about where I find my validation and worth. But that's why it's nice to have moments when my work really speaks to people and they tell me that they appreciate it. The Black Arts Gallery last year reminded me that I have things to say and things to share and that many of those things will connect with people.

That's why it was nice this year to see people appreciate my plants.

The semester is wrapping up and I have paintings and projects to finish up. But it's all good because that's how it goes. I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.

The song is 'Fettucine' by 1K Phew

Thanks for reading,

Blogger Widgets

Plot twist! Keren cleans before she does her weekly post. I won't say much because it's late and I'll ramble so let's get to the point.

Reading Bio lecture PowerPoint slides.

Writing Emails and text messages because I'm rubbish at responding to people when they send me messages.

Listening "Go Buck" by Flame =D Legitimately the song that introduced me to Christian hip-hop/rap artists.

Needing To wash my dishes (why I so dutty? It come like every week is clean I haffi clean sumn).

Hoping To meet up with more people this week.

Loving My friend's sermon this morning on Being Cured vs Being Healed.

Yes yes. I'm going to wash my dishes and then sleep friends. I hope you're doing well wherever you are.

Thanks for reading,

The plan was to write a few blog posts throughout the week but I didn't because life. It was a busy week (if you couldn't tell by the state of my desk). I also can't focus right now. I'm trying to do a reading but there's a strange country-rock music thing going on where I am. I'm bobbing to it though. I need to clean my desk - it's bad. And under my bed. And clear up storage on my phone. And my laptop. It's all good.

But! I did have energy-receiving moments related to things I made. 1) I met with a real life science illustrator to get feedback on my work. The meeting went well. I can draw. (I have to keep saying it to myself because I forget and I talk myself out of it and compare myself and and and.) I need to work on making the plants look more life-like though (more contrast, making closer things larger, more vibrant). I should do more drawing from observation - not just plants - for practice. 2) I finished a commission for a friend - a choker in a lovely brown-cream colour palette. (I used that bead mix to make a ring at an unearthly hour of the day.) She liked it and I'm happy.

Reading Some form of reading for multiple classes.

Writing Notes on those readings.

Listening "Nasty" by Vic Sage

Thinking Whether I could be a rapper and what my name would be.

Needing To clean. Jah know.

Feeling Kinda nasty. I need to clean myself as well as my room.

Loving That the weather has been decent and we had sun for most of last week.

Thanks for reading,

I'm rebranding! Nah. Not really. I just figured that "The State of My Desk" is a lot more realistic and true to who I am as a person. (Plus it helps me call myself out when I realize things like the empty cookie box had been on my desk for a week.) My Sunday Currentlys had a good run though.

I have to keep this one short and sweet. Last week was busy and I'm still catching up on work and readying up for this week. I have some ~deep and insightful~ posts in the making though. (Don't get your hopes up.) Once I ensure that I don't fail my classes. Thoughts about my interests and trying things that are intimidating and how life unfolds and being thankful that I can't see the future because I would just assume the fetal position fast fast. (Now that I think of it, I'll probably keep most of it in my journal and write a post about how many shades of green I've discovered in these past few weeks.)

Reading The readings for my conservation class once I post this.

Writing Notes from said readings.

Listening "Take Off"  by Derek Minor featuring Canon, KB and Ty Brasel

Thinking I'll probably need to eat before I sleep. (But I have a hard time telling when I'm hungry (!) I think I'll make some tea then.)

Needing To trust myself and my decisions.

Feeling Hype because of this song.

Hoping It doesn't take too long to fold clothes. (Not really a hope still. It really depends on how quickly I fold.)

Loving The love and jokes from people I spent time with this past week. (Good friends are a good thing.) +ginger mint tea because it nice like sugar and spice.

Thanks for reading,

Is it okay if I say that it's still Sunday somewhere? Of course it is. This is my blog.

It takes a certain number of days to make a habit. I don't remember the number but I know it's not a week so I'm here writing. I had some encouraging moments in the past week - related to the project and life in general. I didn't do as much drawing because I underestimated preparing for classes last week would take but it's all good. I shared a photo of a sketch I did over summer so there's that to look at.

And now for the things.

Watching Hitch because you don't need any pizza if they have food there.

Reading My journal entries from a retreat with my Christian fellowship this weekend.

Writing A progress report for a class.

Listening "Vibes Vibes Vibes" by Social Club Misfits featuring Chris Durso and Aha Gazelle

Thinking About whether I'll wake up early to wash my hair or just wash it in the afternoon.

Needing To clear my bed so I can sleep.

Feeling Excited about the ways I can incorporate the project into other classes.

Hoping I fall asleep before I get hungry again.

Loving Community

Thanks for reading,

Hi friends,

Bet you didn't know that I spent time in the bush again this summer. How could you if I didn't tell you? But it's true. I'm working on a project through school looking at plants in the Blue Mountains and their uses and trying to fit art into the whole picture.

Can I be real and tell you that it's an intimidating prospect? That impostor syndrome is hitting me real hard right now. That I'm doubting whether I can do what I wanted to do, whether I should do what I wanted to do, whether I even know what it is that I want to do? To the point that I made a first draft of this post in August but didn't put it up on the blob.

But wise people told me that I need to reframe my thoughts. What I call anxiety can produce the same feelings as excitement - it depends on how I look at it.

So can I tell you that it's an exhilarating prospect? That I'm thankful I get this chance to work on a project at home. That I'm enthusiastic to see what the project turns into, how my thoughts change, what I'll learn from the process, and how people will respond to the work.

So what is the project?

The best summary from my proposal is this:

"My ideal product will be a series of illustrations of plants that also highlights their cultural and scientific significance."

So far I've written many emails, done a number of Google searches, realized that there are more books about Jamaican plants than I thought, had thought-provoking, spirit-filling, energy-renewing conversations with people, reread my proposal many, many times to remind myself of what I want to do and why, accepted encouragement from family and friends, seen a part of Jamaica I've never seen before, had my insides rattled on some real country roads, tried to pretend I didn't have to do this project, asked Mommy to pull over so I could pick some oil nut and try to make castor oil at home (still need to do this) and learned that peaches (!) grow in Jamaica.

Ramgoat Dashalong

Carrying plants home from a trip

Now I'm back at school and I get the chance to draw plants and write about them. (And now that I've broadcast it to the whole wide world, I actually need to do something about it.) 

I'm excited to share what I'm doing and hear what people think about these lovely ~plants~ and culture and art and all the intersections.

The song is "Avocado" by Jah9.

Thanks for reading,

(Watch me try and come in like I haven't been (slightly) trifling and erratic with my posts.)

Maybe this will be the start of me coming back to the blog, posting multiple times a week, finding a way to get revenue from this place and going full time with this blog once I graduate. Or maybe the next time I post will be December. WhO eVen KNoWs??

I do want to say a quick thing about what spurred me to be active on the interwebs this past week.

Last year I wrote a term paper about the Cockpit Country and Maroons and the importance of defining the boundary for my class called "Race, Gender, Ethics and Environmental Justice".

Monday morning, a friend made a post and put Cockpit Country as the location because he wanted to let people know about a petition to get the Prime Minister to define the boundary.

Monday night, Hurricane Maria hit Dominica and affected some of my family members and friends.

Tuesday morning, communication from Dominica was down.

Tuesday afternoon I drafted a post talking about Cockpit Country and asking people to sign the petition.

Friday night, the petition made the 15,000 signatures needed*.

I felt helpless with hurricanes and natural disasters and had to tell myself not to go down a rabbit hole of things I can't control but to focus on something that I could do.

I was sad because of the impact Maria had on Dominica. I was also upset that more people weren't talking about it. But then I realized how much of what I do is motivated by self-interest. I didn't feel nearly as much for Houston, Florida, Mexico, Montana, Antigua and Barbuda, Puerto Rico, St Martin, Sint Maarten and all the other places with things going on that I don't even know about. Why should I feel upset about other people not knowing about Dominica?

Between Tuesday morning and afternoon my head cleared a bit and I got some clarity on those confusing feelings. I don't think that everyone needs to care about everything. That's too much for anyone to handle. I do know that there are some things I care about and the bush is one of them. So sharing the petition was something I could do then and there.

*I'm not implying that I made that happen and thank you to anyone who signed the petition. Since it only means the PM will consider what they called for. We'll see what happens.

Now for the Sunday Currently.

Reading The newspaper article that Daddy sent me about the petition reaching 15,000 signatures. (Okay, not really, but it went so well with the post. I did read it this morning though.)

Writing Things in my calendar for this week.

Listening "Elevate" by Phil J.

Thinking About how/whether I'll keep this blog and What I'm Doing With It.

Needing To bathe.

Feeling Tired but good.

Hoping The sun stays out for the majority of this week.

Loving Being able to dance in my room. My roommates just walk in act like it's normal. (They're good potatoes.)

Thanks for reading,

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